Patti:
I've been experiencing bullying, both when I was in highschool, and now even as a college student! People perceived me as that stereotyped know-it-all because I was always able to answer the teacher's questions in every class, and no one else was bothering to do that. So the teachers loved me. Unfortunately my classmates hated me. I'm surprised that's carried over to college, simply because college is about ideas, and we should be happy to share them. For whatever reason people just seem to get a kick out of picking on me, making noises when I give an answer in class, or doing catcalls or weird faces when I'm out on campus. It's getting tiresome! Do you have any answers besides dumbing myself down for the proletariat?
Feeling Mensa Mensa
Dear Mensa,
First, let me tell you I think you're making a cool joke with your sign-off name. That's a play on the slang Italian term "menzamenz" which kinda sorta means "eh, half and half" or "okay, not great" when someone asks how you are. So I translate that to mean you're in a bad situation, know you need to fix it (and probably what needs to be done about it), but you're not too excited about what my answer is going to be. Right? Heh.
Let me start off by saying I'm sorry this is happening to you. What the other students are doing to you is wrong, bullying is NEVER a good thing. At the same time, it would be worth examining your own behavior and seeing a need to recalibrate your approach. I am NOT blaming you for the bullying! That isn't your fault.
However, since this situation has cropped up both in high school and in college, and you're connecting it to answering a lot of questions and coming off as a know-it-all, maybe it's time to tone down that aspect of yourself. Mind you I said "tone down," NOT "play dumb."
Of course it's tempting to share what we know. (My guilty pleasure is safety tips!) But succeeding socially means sharing fun and positive emotions, while downplaying facts and knowledge. Even if you're sharing some great information, if people get the impression you're reveling in imparting superior knowledge, they'll be annoyed. They'll think you're trying to appear smarter than they are. And even if you ARE smarter, making that obvious will bug them. That doesn't mean you have to avoid sharing ideas, just that you should come off more as a "regular guy" when you do it. Using humor and positive emotion helps.
It's really enough in life to KNOW you're an intelligent person without necessarily having to appear that way to others. Believe me, if you're smart, people are aware of it. They'll like you all the more if you compliment them on what THEY are good at, or if you show appreciation for their relevant comments. Follow up on what they've said and ask for more input. Think of it this way, if the smart guy (you) is complimenting or appreciating their relevant remark, that's good for everybody -- they feel appreciated, and YOU feel your compliment is valued because you're the smart dude who would know!
None of that detracts from your intelligence. Instead it will add greatly to your social appeal. Try to use your brains more as a "secret weapon" that you bring out and unleash once in a while, not all the time. Allow others to shine, and help them to do so, and more people will like you. And ultimately they will respect your intelligence instead of giving you a hard time about it.
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