When You Feel Like You're Intruding

Hi Patti,

I have several good friends who are always the ones that initiate our interactions. I never make an effort. It isn't that I don't want to, it's just that I'm worried about intruding so I just let them do it. Then they sometimes don't include me in some of their plans and I feel awful. It makes me feel like a less important friend, even though I know it's mostly my own fault. I don't know how to get out of my head on this.

Sometimes Unwanted

Dear Sometimes,

Life is habit-forming. So, if you want different results, you need to form different habits. Start with rejecting the idea that you're "intruding." If they're initiating interactions, communications, events with you and treating you as a friend, then you're not intruding. If you bring something positive to the group, you're never intruding. It's not like you're scaling a wall, crossing a moat or breaking down a door to get to them. The barrier is really yours, and it consists simply of your mindset.

Realize that "intruding" is just a negative term that can actually be better described as "CONNECTING." That's a much more positive word! So make it a goal of yours to CONNECT more often. In order to be a valid goal you need to put a number on it. Make it a point to "reach out" and "connect" with these friends several times a week. Connecting can mean: making a phone call, sending a brief 'check in' text, inviting someone to something, meeting them in person, etc. Make yourself CONNECT at least three times per week.

Form better habits and obtain better results.